This Spark in Me
by The Curly Flea
Summary: Love or lust? Bond or blip? It's certainly hard to tell when Captain Jack Harkness is involved.  'Janto'
1. The First: Just Say Yes

_The First_

_Inspired by: Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol_

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Jack sat perched on the edge of his old office desk, eyes tracking the young man working silently around the floor of the Hub, his fingers drumming a silent beat into the dense wood. He watched as he bent down with grace to pick up pieces of crumpled paper, leaned to collect dirty plates from worktops and stretched to wrap his lithe fingers around used coffee cups. Jack studied him, watching his hands move diligently over cluttered surfaces and smiling gently at the cute frown etched onto his face.

He shifted slightly, folding his arms into his chest and wondering whether he should pursue Ianto or let him finish his duties, as he had done for the past week. Jack sighed to himself; why was he restraining himself? He usually found it no trouble whatsoever to go and shamelessly flirt with someone - or something - that took his fancy. So what was stopping him from reaching after his desires?

Ianto chose that moment to look up curiously at Jack, who suddenly froze at being caught seemingly stalking the obliviously seductive archivist. With a brisk motion, Jack gestured for Ianto to come upstairs and join him in his office.

Ianto abandoned his duties within a second and quickly strode up the metal stairs to the room. Leaning slightly on the polished metal door frame, he raised a questioning eyebrow towards the Captain who had moved to lean against the wall.

"Are you nearly finished?" Jack straightened his posture slightly while shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers. Ianto replied with formality and respect lacing his words, purposely ignoring his peculiar behaviour.

"Nearly. Is there something you would like me to do, sir?" Jack paused in thought and looked at Ianto, internally exploring his options. Ianto shuffled unconsciously and his eyes darted to various things in the office as the intensity of his gaze became too much - an empty coffee cup begged to be whisked away from the wooden desk and cleaned with the utmost care, before it was tainted with the aromatic yet devilishly staining beverage.

Ianto looked up as Jack took in a breath, as though he was going to say something. Unfortunately for Ianto, Jack remained silent after appearing to have changed his mind about needing Ianto at all.

Feeling slightly dejected, Ianto moved to pick up the cup and the few scraps of used paper that were lying around before glancing at his boss, noticing that his eyes were following him around the room. Slightly nervous, Ianto made his way towards the door, still aware of the lingering stare.

"I'll be heading off now, if you don't need anything," he threw over his shoulder, not wanting to turn around and face his boss for fear that he may still be watching him. He heard a small noise that might have been passed as a dismissal, or something along those lines.

His feet clicked quietly against the grooves in the metal of the platform as he made his way swiftly down the staircase and into the kitchen, throwing the ball of crumpled paper into a nearby bin liner with perfect accuracy as he passed.

Picking up several other mugs lying around, he dumped them all in the sink, watching as they sank into a sea of frothy lime-scented bubbles. The warm water was soothing on his hands as he scrubbed away the day's coffee from them. He placed them one by one on the rack before turning to dry his hands on the towel, the water being absorbed from them like a sponge.

Replacing the damp cloth on a hook, Ianto turned only to jump slightly at the man leaning in the doorway. He would be lying if he said he hadn't noticed how strange his boss had been acting over the past few days, and he would be lying even more so if he said that he had been oblivious to the constant passes he had been trying to avoid. He had simply blamed it on the fact that Captain Jack Harkness had a reputation for flirting with anyone and anything, and had chosen him as an outlet during the day.

"You have no idea how good you look in that suit, do you," Jack said it as more of a statement than a question, one that threw Ianto. He wasn't expecting him to be so direct. Setting his mask in place, Ianto briskly replied.

"Wouldn't want to look untidy, sir," Ianto shifted uncomfortably as he felt the Captain's gaze travel up and down the length of his body appreciatively. It was only too obvious as to what he was thinking.

"It wouldn't be the first time I've thought of what lies underneath it," Jack replied smoothly, locking his sparkling blue eyes with Ianto's shocked ones for what felt like the first time that evening.

Jack moved closer. Ianto stepped back.

"Just taking it off, piece by piece, until…" Jack paused as he reached Ianto, fingering the tie around his neck, pulling it loose from the suit, "And those beautiful Welsh vowels…" Jack murmured, deep in thought.

Ianto's cheeks covered themselves with a splash of subtle pink - he would be cheating himself if he said he wasn't enjoying this in the slightest. He swallowed and Jack's eyes were drawn to his throat, then to his jawbone, tracing his lips, before looking into his eyes, reading him.

Jack pulled gently on the tie and Ianto moved forward without hesitation. He could almost taste Jack, he was so close. The distinctive scent of the rich coffee Ianto was famous for and the unique flavour that was just Jack drifted past his lips and over his tongue, teasing and tantalizing him.

Ianto quickly pulled his mask back up from where it had slipped before smirking slightly, though it didn't quite cover the desire in his eyes. Was Jack really just shamelessly flirting, or was there a bigger motive?

"Must be desperate, sir," Ianto whispered huskily, watching as it had the desired effect on his boss. A slightly glazed look came over him and Ianto kept his eyes locked onto the man's in front of him. "Or wanting a challenge?"

A grin ghosted over Jack's lips as he shook his head very gently, it could have been easily missed if they weren't so close, millimetres apart. He moved his lips to brush against the shell of Ianto's ear, teasing him with his lips.

"Just say yes," Jack breathed, want laced through his standing command.

Without warning, Ianto pushed away Jack's body with a jerk, fingers splayed on his chest, panic evident in his eyes as a sudden flash of a beautiful woman littered with metal plates appeared before him, and a feeling of guilt brewed in his stomach. With a grimace, Ianto noticed Jack's face was overcome with worry - since when had he worried about things like this? People like him?

Ianto quickly pulled himself together again once more, encrusting himself in a steely exterior and brushing off the look Jack was giving him. He made his way towards the door. "If you want someone tonight, go somewhere else."

"And if I just want you?"

Ianto paused halfway through his dramatic exit. He turned before he knew what he was doing.

"I'm not available."

Jack had Ianto pressed against the wall before he himself knew what he was doing. Ianto squirmed and struggled as Jack ran his arms around his waist, strongly pulling theirs hips together and pushing their foreheads against one another. He held Ianto close to him with ease, his body quickly stilling as Jack buried his nose against his neck, exhaling sweet breath onto his flushed skin.

Ianto's mind screamed at him that this was wrong, that he was betraying the one he loved, that he should push him away and run and never look back. But something else in him was pushing at his senses, telling him to take everything Jack had to offer without any qualms.

Both he and Jack were breathing heavily, evidently aroused in their close proximity. Ianto fought against his wants and desires, trying not to give in to what his heart yearned for - he knew it was not right. It was not fair.

"I can't…" Ianto sighed against Jack's heated flesh, the soft skin of his neck grazing his parted lips. It took everything he could muster to not sweetly kiss what stood before him, in all his seductive glory. "I can't say yes." He felt Jack tense up against him in response to his gently spoken words. Ianto ran a hand down the soft fabric of his shirt, imagining what it would feel like if he weren't wearing one.

"But I want you," Jack's reply could have been mistaken for a hopeless whimper, like he would be lost if he let go of the young man he was clutching onto at that very moment. Ianto was startled; he had never observed a side of Jack's personality that was like this.

Flirtatious; yes.

Overly optimistic; no doubt about this one.

Trying to bed everything; we all see it on a daily basis.

Lonely? Like a child? Pleading? It took all of Ianto's strength to force the next few words out of his throat.

"I'm a taken man, sir," Ianto stopped as he felt Jack almost flinch against him, tightening the grip on his hips. "You'll have to try harder for me." His voice was almost cracking as he finished, trying to persuade his heart that he was doing the right thing for himself; for Jack; for her.

Ianto moved his hands to Jack's, holding them for his own selfish comfort before sliding them off of his body. In fear of changing his mind, Ianto didn't meet the Captain's eyes as he departed from the room without a second's notice.

Blinking away unshed tears, he grabbed a few personal items from Tosh's desk as he passed on his way to the exit. He became aware of the hurried sound of Jack's shoes against the floor, no doubt following him.

"Will I ever have a chance?" Jack's voice reverberated around the structure of the hub, unsettling Myfanwy, a reminder of the reason why Ianto was here in the first place. Ianto had not been able to erase the memory of Jack and he working together to catch the prehistoric dinosaur, and had found this fact quite unsettling at the time. Betrayal developed once more in his mind as he turned to face Jack for the final time that evening.

Meeting Jack's questioning eyes, he found himself unable to answer the lingering query. With a look that could have meant anything, Ianto turned with a flourish and left in a midst of wailing sirens and flashing lights, leaving the Captain to interpret the departure at his own will.


	2. The Second: Dance, Dance

_The Second_

_Inspired by: Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy_

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Music was pumping through the air and the atmosphere was thick with emotions when Captain Jack Harkness stepped through the heavy doors, swiftly pressing himself against the cool wall to evade a pair of stumbling, quite obviously drunk young adults. Ignoring them, he pushed through the thick crowds of dancing people to reach the dimly lit bar. He dropped his arms onto the moist wooden surface and leaned over to grab the bartender's attention with a flashing smile.

"The usual!" Jack shouted, struggling to make himself heard over the relentless din. The young man nodded before moving off to serve up his order. Jack swung his leg over one of the many stools littered down the bar and swept his greatcoat behind him, clasping his hands and leaning forward to hide his face.

A solemn look passed over Jack's expression as the horror from only a few hours ago retraced its steps to haunt him. His heart clenched when he thought of what he had done. But it was the right thing to do, wasn't it?

Jack tried to reassure himself in futile. He had thought it was the right thing to do at the time. And obviously, it was. Anyone else would have done the same thing if they were in his situation. He had stopped a possible uprising of a new generation of Cybermen. He had saved his team and the hub from destruction. He had saved many people. He had...

He had hurt Ianto. He had taken away the one person that Ianto had loved with all his heart. He had run a bullet right through her soul, ripping it to pieces and killing a part of Ianto in the process.

Jack ran a shaking hand through his stiff hair, feeling it fix itself back into place as he dropped it to his side. If only everything were like that; fixing itself. Struck with realisation, he scowled and glared at an empty beer-stained glass standing before him. He saw his reflection glare back at him, as if it were telling him how stupid a thought that had been. If everything fixed itself, there would have been no need for Torchwood, no need for him. Hell, he wouldn't even be alive anymore if that happened on a day to day basis.

He glanced up as the young bartender approached him with his usual order; the strongest alcoholic drink they had in stock. Dropping him another flashy grin, he reached into his pocket to find the required money. Only to stop in shock as a lithe body pressed against his back and a familiar voice slurred in his ear.

"Dun' worry. 'M payin'." Ianto practically draped himself across Jack's shoulder to sloppily hand over a crinkled five pound note, dropping it over the other side of the bar as he misjudged the distance. "Oops," he collapsed into a fit of giggles, lying across Jack's lap with his hands dangling loosely down towards the floor.

Jack blinked. He completely missed the sound of the change hitting the solid top due to the fact that he couldn't believe that this was Ianto. The same Ianto who apparently hated his guts. The same Ianto who had told him to his face that if he ever saw Jack pleading for his help, he would just watch him suffer in pain and agony until he died. Of course, Jack knew this was impossible, but still. The comment hurt like hell.

Braving a gentle hand on the small of Ianto's back, he tried to get the drunken man to stand up. "Ianto?"

Ianto replied with yet another giggle, moving back to fold his arms on Jack's thighs and to place his head on top, gazing up at the confused Captain with eyes of an intoxicated stupor. "Yes, Jack?"

Well, at least he knew who he was positioned across. "What are you doing?"

Ianto paused for a moment. Jack found it comforting at least to see that he was trying to come up with an intelligent answer.

"'M drinkin', silly. What else would I be doin'?"

Jack sighed, all hope lost. Quickly making a decision to get up, he had to react quickly to prevent Ianto landing on the floor in a sorry heap. "Woah, come on," he quickly grabbed Ianto under the arms before he hit the solid concrete floor and stumbled slightly as Ianto let Jack support all of his dead weight. "C'mon, let's get you home."

"No!" Ianto suddenly scrabbled clumsily at Jack's hands, trying to release himself. He growled in frustration as Jack simply clung on tighter.

"Why?" Jack asked, voice laced with incredulity as he gently hitched Ianto up with his knee, strapping him to his chest with both of his arms. He ignored the part of himself that was currently enjoying the fact that he had Ianto so close to him, close enough to...

"'Cos I don' wanna!" Ianto protested like a small child, flailing about with misery and anger against Jack's body.

Sighing in defeat and knowing he was going to regret his choice, Jack slipped his arms back from Ianto's waist, and watched as he stumbled forward due to the lack of support onto the floor. Jack winced, but told himself that Ianto was so far gone that he probably didn't even feel the impact.

True to his thoughts, Ianto proceeded to get back up again, although he couldn't stop himself from swaying slightly. Looking around with newfound curiosity, Jack found himself wondering if Ianto even knew where he was. His wide eyes followed some of the flashing lights along the walls, and in turn the multicoloured dots of various lasers coursed over his body. He trailed a finger down his chest, trying to follow them and thus temporarily forgetting that Jack was watching him.

Dropping his hand, Ianto turned towards the mob of dancing people and made an attempt to walk over, his feet dragging along the floor as if he had no control over them whatsoever. Warily, Jack decided to follow, ready to interfere at any moment.

He tracked Ianto as he made his way over to a group of men and women, probably around the same age as him and equally as drunk. He watched as Ianto started to dance, even in his state managing to sway his hips delectably in time to the heavy beat. He saw the group taking more than an innocent interest in their new counterpart.

Jack felt a churning sensation in his gut as he watched Ianto dance closely to a scantily clad blonde girl, and the sensation intensified as one of the more attractive boys from the group came up to dance behind him, pushing their bodies together.

Before he could run through what he was going to do in his head, he had already strolled over to the group, grabbed Ianto tightly by the wrist and had begun to drag him out. Ianto squeaked in surprise as he swung round to latch onto Jack's arm, preventing himself from falling over for the second time that evening.

The sexual atmosphere of the bar had dropped dramatically by the time they barrelled through the double doors, the heavy bass of the music reduced to a dull throbbing. The cool air on Jack's face was a welcome relief and he breathed out, exhaling a puff of spiralling mist up into the clear night sky. He loosened his grip on Ianto's shivering arm, but Ianto still clung on tightly to the sleeve of his greatcoat, as if he were a lifeline.

The cool air seemed to sober Ianto up slightly, as he jerked away from Jack suddenly and began to breathe heavily. He looked up at Jack with anger in his eyes, remembering why he had come out in the first place.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he whispered in desperation, the words echoing off into the night. Jack turned away as he felt his eyes welling up and sadness claw at the insides of his throat. Ianto's ministrations raised to a far louder level. "Why can't you jus' leave me alone! You already killed her! What more do you want?!" Jack shook his head miserably, the action noticed by Ianto. "It's all your fault!" he screeched.

"I know," he whispered quietly, flinching at the words being flung at him, yet still refusing to turn around. Ianto reared up at his response, charging into his back and pounding his balled fists against him in agony.

"No!! You don't know!! You don't know what I've gone through!!" Jack quickly turned and gathered Ianto into his arms, trying to comfort him in the little way that he could while also trying to comfort himself. He felt Ianto's hands grab at his coat, pulling at it, trying to tear it. He heard Ianto sobbing, the hiccuping juttering up and down his body as he pushed his face into the crook of Jack's neck, the tears rolling down his face and onto Jack's skin. "Y-you don't know that w-when I should be thinking of L-Lisa, I'm thinking of you i-instead!"

Jack tightened his arms around Ianto's body, shushing him to calm down. "Ianto..."

"I betrayed her, and it h-hurts!" Ianto wailed pitifully into Jack, making his heart break all over again.

Jack took a step away and began to lead Ianto back to the SUV. "I'm taking you home now, okay?" Ianto was in no state to object, so he simply followed Jack like an obedient little puppy, climbing into the passenger side of the SUV.

Jack's thoughts were in turmoil as they quickly made the short journey to Ianto's house, just a few streets away. Pulling up beside the house, Jack quickly leapt out of the car to help Ianto who was trying to unsuccessfully get out by himself. Taking Ianto's keys from his hands, Jack supported Ianto on his shoulder over to the door.

Swiftly unlocking the house, Jack led Ianto inside and into the immaculate live room, letting him lie down on the sofa. He draped a nearby blanket over his exhausted body and made sure he was comfortable before getting up to leave - only to feel Ianto holding onto his hand.

A gentle tug persuaded him to get back down again, face to face with Ianto. His eyes were half-lidded and his lips were parted, but Jack still couldn't help but notice how attractive he was.

"Jack..." he murmured, gripping his hand even more and cuddling his face into it.

"I have to go," Jack made himself whisper. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't stay.

"Come here..." Ianto opened his eyes, staring into Jack's.

"Ianto..." Jack was silenced as Ianto brushed his lips against his own. A sweet short moment that Jack hadn't experienced for such a long time – too long. A sigh indicated that Ianto had settled back into the sofa and was well on his way to sleep.

Forcing himself to his feet, Jack silently left the room whilst dropping the keys onto a nearby polished table. He flicked the catch on the door and left the house and Ianto behind, walking off into the night, many more thoughts now wondering through his jumbled head.

As he walked, Jack couldn't help but wonder – was he on the way to being forgiven?


	3. The Third: Tik Tok

_The Third_

_Inspired by: TiK ToK – Ke$ha_

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The drop in temperature was obvious as Captain Jack Harkness descended the solid concrete steps into the lower levels of the Hub. His footsteps reverberated around him, bouncing off of the brick walls and disturbing the still air. Time seemed to stand still around him.

His hands were shoved into his pockets and he was without his trademark coat, which he had left safely behind in his office. Everyone had left for the night, and Jack didn't blame them.

They had people to see; things to do; lives to live.

Except one. There was always one.

Jack couldn't help but wonder why Ianto constantly spent night after night of successive continuation in this place. Was it him? Was it because he felt he had too much to do? Did he not want to go home?

Dwelling over these prospects, Jack almost failed to notice he had entered the dimly lit archives. Rows upon rows of boxes and files grew from the floor skywards, and it was through these that Jack begun his search for the elusive man.

Knowledge seemed to ooze from every fibre of room, containing experiences; people; artefacts; lives; information. It did not surprise Jack to find that the area seemed to have a strange form of attraction to it and he easily understood why Ianto spent so much of his time in its murky depths.

After a few minutes of combing carefully through the isles, the quest proved to be fruitful as he spotted the younger man reaching for a box on one of the higher shelves. Jack watched on as he teetered on the tips of his feet, his fingers grasping for the box, unaware of his observer. Tilting his head slightly to the side, he let his eyes run up and down the length of the man's stretched lithe body, taking in every detail of the unsurprisingly flawless suit. Unable to restrain himself from intervening, Jack called out with all intended humour.

"Hello, stranger!" Ianto noticeably jumped, his hand knocking the box and thus causing it to fall to the ground with a clatter that echoed throughout the musty room.

Brushing his hands down his suit to smooth out any non-existent crinkles, Ianto straightened and turned to him with a certain element in his eye that Jack couldn't quite place.

"There could have been something sensitive in that, sir," he stated with a hint of annoyance.

Jack grinned knowingly, "I know that you place anything that could be sensitive near the bottom of the shelves, Ianto." Ianto gently frowned as the Captain smirked smugly, reaching down to pick up the box. "Wouldn't want to risk anything now, would you," he added, passing the box to Ianto.

Ianto received the box in silence, nodding his head slightly in what could only be conceived as politeness before walking over to his nearby desk. He placed it softly down on the polished surface and proceeded to make notes in one of his many files. Jack sauntered on over as he realised he was being ignored, and proceeded to do what he was second-best at.

"What're you doing?" he asked innocently as he perched on the edge of the desk, mimicking what Ianto did nearly every time he came into Jack's office.

"Catagorising, sir," he replied with patience, not shifting his gaze from the page in front of him, completely knowing of what game his boss was playing.

"Why?" Jack pushed on, the edges of his lips lifting slightly.

"Because someone, sir, decided to go through the archives for information and then didn't put it all back in the right order," he looked up pointedly at the Captain, meeting amused bright blue eyes with his own.

"Hmm," Jack murmured in reply, having the decency to look sheepishly away from Ianto's patronizing stare. He returned to his work, trying to ignore the presence of his boss.

After a few more minutes of only the sound of gentle breathing and curious scratch of pen against paper, Jack picked up his game once more. Ianto breathed deeply as he tried control his temper, which was becoming fairly difficult considering the current circumstances.

"Why do you stay here so late?"

"I don't know, sir."

"Do you always stay here late?"

"Most of the time, sir."

"Don't you ever get bored?"

"Not usually."

"Is there-"

"Sir, is there anything worthwhile that you're going to ask me?" Ianto stopped his work for the second time that evening, raising an eyebrow at his increasingly annoying companion. Jack paused for a minute in thought, and Ianto sighed in exasperation as he picked up the old brown box and proceeded to put it back in its riotous place.

"Why do you like stopwatches?"

Jack's voice caught him by surprise, as did his question. Placing the box on the shelf with care, he slowly turned to look at Jack.

What met him was a sincere and honestly curious expression. He noticed that the Captain's gaze was distracted by the outline of the instrument in his waistcoat pocket which its owner was never without, and Ianto unconsciously brushed his fingertips against it. He thought for a few seconds, before reaching a blank conclusion.

"Does it need saying?" he replied with a slight smile to hide his own inability to come up with an answer, to which Jack beamed at. Ianto walked back over to the desk, aware of the watchful look the Captain was giving him as he organised all the notes and paperwork back into the file once more. "I don't know why," he admitted finally, as Jack's insistent stare became too much.

Jack suddenly got to his feet and stepped towards Ianto, the goal evident in his eyes. Fortunately for him, this time, Ianto didn't move from his place. Jack grinned slightly at this and brought a hand up to slip around Ianto's smaller waist, his thumb brushing his side leisurely. Ianto wriggled slightly, clutching the files to his chest in a way that Jack could only internally describe as being cute. If that word were to ever slip past his mouth in a sentence that contained the archivist, well, it wasn't worth thinking about the consequences that Ianto would ensue.

Sensing no hesitation from the man he held close to him, he lowered his eyelids and brushed his lips ever so close to the slightly parted, flushed ones in front of him.

"Will you let me come up with some reasons why?" he purred, their lips sparking contact with each and every word that passed through Jack's undeniably innuendoes mouth. Ianto couldn't stop the smile that Jack found incredibly alluring from reaching his eyes.

"Anything that you suggest will almost certainly be quite inappropriate, sir," he whispered, aware of the effect that he was having on the older man. Jack raised an eyebrow in mock offence before replying with a murmur.

"And if it's not?"

"Then I'd be worried."

Jack laughed suddenly, a sound that reached right into Ianto's heart and filled him with a familiar warm sensation that caused him to shiver slightly. He felt Jack's hands clutch tightly at him one final time before releasing him, which much to his surprise, left him feeling quite cold and alone.

Their eyes met once more before Jack turned to leave the archives for the night, his footsteps the only sound that Ianto could hear apart from his rapidly beating heart. His hand reached into his waistcoat pocket for the comfort of the cool metal casing of the stopwatch against his clammy skin.

His nails delicately traced the grooves in the metalwork, and he sighed as watched the retreating back of Captain Jack Harkness, before he was swallowed up by the darkness.

Ianto had not felt this alone in a long time.

* * *

"_Is that why you like stopwatches so much, Ianto?"_

"_That's just one of many reasons, sir."_

"_Care to share the rest of them with me?"_

"_..."_

"_...Ianto?"_

"_...All in good time."_


	4. The Fourth: Who Knew

_The Fourth_

_Inspired by: Who Knew - P!nk_

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"_Ianto, my office! Right now!"_

"_Coming, sir."_

"_And… Ianto?"_

"_Yes, sir?"_

"_Bring the stopwatch."_

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Three pairs of feet carelessly clapped noisily through the puddles spread across the ground of the Plass, all out of time with each other. The stifling sun had long since hidden behind the deep grey clouds that were looming overhead and the city was left to defend itself against the persistent weather.

However much a nuisance it may have been in itself, Ianto found that the melodic sound of the rain hitting the city gave a refreshing atmosphere to the usually bustling and busy bay, wiping clean all the tarnish that had settled over the past few weeks.

A clean start.

Again.

Ianto watched his breath spiral upwards towards the rumbling heavens, his mind beginning to wander.

How long has it been since that night?

Days?

Weeks?

Months?

So long…

Yet, Ianto has never regretted it. Nor has he regretted any night with Jack since.

But since Jack had supposedly died, Ianto had never felt more alone.

The young archivist vigorously shook the settled raindrops from his coat and scattered them into the cool evening air around him. His cold fingertips squeezed at the two cheap cardboard cups he held, filled to the brim with takeaway coffee. The heat seeped into his hands but it alone was not enough to keep the biting cold at bay. His teeth pulled at his flushed lip slightly as the captain ended up occupying his thoughts once more.

Jack…

For the past few days - or weeks, Ianto had stopped counting after Tosh had persuaded him to let go - Ianto's life had been in turmoil, unable to grasp onto anything that was stable. The only steady constant in his life seemed to be the fact that he worked for Torchwood.

But even that hadn't been the same.

Now, though, he was back. How, Ianto couldn't understand, and he didn't really want to at the moment. He was still floating on a high and didn't want to come down for a while.

The one man that had pulled him back from the brink of darkness. In what felt like an almost insignificant life, Jack was everything to him. His everything.

"Oi, are you gonna just stand there?" Owen's barking voice echoed across the Plass towards the frozen man, who jolted slightly when he realised he was standing stark still in the pouring rain. Tosh meekly peeked around Owen from the doorway of the tourist information office, a questioning glance in her deep eyes.

"Just admiring the weather, you know," Ianto briskly picked up the pace and started towards his colleagues, the consequential chill from his actions beginning to claw its way through his bones.

"Ianto, it's Wales. It rains at least every second day," Owen rolled his eyes as the Welshman hurriedly brushed past him in an attempt to reach the desk.

"Yes, well, it's not every day that you go out and stand in it," Ianto replied dryly.

Owen muttered an incomprehensible answer under his breath as Ianto fumbled behind the desk for the elusive switch. Feeling it brush gingerly against his searching fingertips, Ianto pushed it down and turned around just in time to glimpse the edge of the wall disappear to form a doorway.

Owen entered first in a confident swagger - Ianto found it difficult to not notice that Owen always seemed way too confident for his own good - with Tosh following closely behind, much like an obedient puppy.

Ianto sighed before darting through the doorway himself to avoid being shut in the lonely tourist office.

Compared to the outside world, the corridor leading to the main hub was incredibly warm and Ianto soon found himself heating uncomfortably in his deep black coat. He only became aware of Gwen's panicked voice after he had accidentally spilt a dash of unrealistically burning coffee over the side of his palm.

"Jack? Jack?"

Owen turned around to look at both Tosh and Ianto, confusion evident in his sharp eyes.

Ianto felt a deep dread pool in the pit of his stomach as they all began to run up the corridor. Gwen's shouts ceased as they reached the opening into the base.

Owen paused as he glanced around the hub. Ianto mimicked his actions, moving forward tentatively as he tried to assess what had happened.

"Did you see Jack on your way in?" Gwen asked, turning to look at them all.

"No." Toshiko shook her head as she glanced at Owen, who was surveying the damage in disbelief.

"I thought we'd tidied up in here! What's the matter?"

Gwen looked around once more, frowning in confusion.

"Um… He was just here." Ianto felt his heart constrict as his eyes darted around the interior of the Hub, searching for anything, just a small sign that Jack was still here.

"Something's taken him. Jack's gone." Gwen whispered, folding her arms in front of her chest in an attempt to look strong for the team, when Ianto knew that she was just as worried as they all were.

Ianto couldn't breathe.

Jack…

He…

_Splash!_

"Ianto!" Tosh cried out in shock as she leapt away from the steaming beverage that was now advancing across the concrete floor. Ianto stared at it in bemusement, moving his hand up to his face as if he couldn't believe he had just dropped the cup.

He shook his head slightly before opening his mouth slightly, still trying to come to terms with the truth that Jack had...

"Ianto, are you alright?" Gwen's reassuring tones soothed him slightly, drawing his frozen gaze from the opposite wall down to her dark, comforting eyes. It was another few seconds before he felt Tosh's petite hand resting on the side of his arm, squeezing him gently.

_She knows._

_They all know._

Ianto forced a tight smile onto his face, yet another mask for him to hide behind.

"Yes, I'm fine. If you'll excuse me, I need to go and get a towel for the coffee," Ianto pulled himself away a bit too sharply to be natural before retreating to the currently temperamental coffee machine. As soon as he turned, his face dropped and a glassy look came over his eyes as he clenched his fists gently by his sides.

_No, not again. Never again._

He risked a glance behind him to see that Tosh had rushed over to her desktop and was already searching through CCTV footage on her computer, the light from the screens brightly reflecting their colours onto her glasses. Owen and Gwen had both began to clear up, for the second time that day. They both skilfully managed to continuously sidestep the ever-expanding puddle of coffee that seemed to be engulfing a large portion of the floor that was deprived of grooves.

Forgetting about the towel, Ianto headed up towards Jack's office, his face turned downwards in an attempt to hide his emotions from the remainder of the team. Grasping the door handle with a shaking hand, he was relieved to find that it was unlocked.

Ianto gently opened the door and slipped inside, before silently shutting it once more. Careful to stay away from the glass windows of the office, Ianto looks over to the solemn coat rack, now devoid of everything.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Ianto hesitantly made his way around behind the desk before ducking under it, searching for something.

_The hand._

_The hand._

_The hand._

His fingers trembled helplessly as he searched through the piles upon piles of papers for the hexagonal containment device, in which lay Jack's precious hand.

_Where is it?!_

Ianto tried desperately hard to not let the tears welling up in him flow down his flushed cheeks, but all attempts were fruitless. The salty water rolled over his quivering lips as he silently cried on the floor of the Captain's office. The glistening tears dropped to the floor relentlessly, shining in the dim light of the room, looking much like the rain that Ianto was admiring just a few minutes earlier.

_The coat… _

_And the hand…_

"H-he left willing-gly," Ianto willed himself not to wail the words out loud.

Attempting to compose himself while sniffling, he sagged down onto the floor and let his head hit the wooden desk with a _thunk_. He wiped the tears away from his face with palms of his hands, uncaring as to whether there were salt marks remaining on his suit.

"He l-left so quickly, with no w-warning whatsoever," Ianto muttered to himself with fresh tear tracks showing clearly in the dark light on his pink cheeks. "Just when he had c-come back."

Ianto's mind failed to make some form of sense of the whole situation, and found comfort instead in talking out loud to the empty office.

"You w-would think that he would have the decency to drop a note or s-something. I mean, who goes and just leaves without t-telling anyone. Oh, wait," Ianto gestured wildly around the room, "Captain J-Jack Harkness does!"

The outburst of anger was short lived as Ianto felt overwhelmed once more.

"I should've known, really. How could I ever t-think that Jack would stay behind for us, let alone m-me. I'm not worth it, am I. I sh-should have stopped these stupid games when they started because I always get hurt in the end! Why am I such a fool!!"

Ianto's exclamation shook the silence in the small room. It already felt as though Jack had been gone for hours.

Days.

Weeks.

Months.

Time after time.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I can't wait on you anymore," Ianto rubbed his eyes dry and staggered to his feet, "It was fun and all, but this is hurting me more than it is helping me. I think… I think I fell hard. Again. And I can't afford to do this anymore. First Lisa, then you. What now? I need to move on, Jack," Ianto whispered into the silence of the office, pretending that Jack would somehow be able to hear his declaration.

A part of him wished that whenever Jack came back, he would hear this. Would know what Ianto had said. Would try to get him back. Because no matter how much he told himself, or anyone else, Ianto just knew… he knew…

He knew that there was something in him that was not going to let go of Jack.

"I need to… Please. Let me go, Jack," Jack spared one last lingering look over the office before moving out and closing the door tight behind him. He flicked the catch and flinched as he heard the resounding click of the door being locked.

_Locked. Until someone finds the key, and opens up the door to him again._

"I'm sorry, Jack…"


	5. The Fifth: Chasing Cars

_The Fifth_

_Inspired by: Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

* * *

_

The nerve of you, walking out like you could do exactly that whenever you wanted. I said aloud, in your very office nonetheless, that I was leaving you behind.

I was going to start anew.

I wasn't going to give in to your games any longer.

And even though I secretly prayed that I was wrong...

"Hey, kids. Did you miss me?"

I didn't exactly count on you coming back.

* * *

"_How are you, Ianto?"_

"_All the better for having you back, sir."_

"_Can we maybe drop the 'sir' now? While I was away, I was thinking. Maybe we could, you know, when this is all done... Dinner? A movie?"_

"_Are you asking me out on a date?"_

"_Interested?"_

"_...Well, as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself."

* * *

_

Crumpled suit jackets and ties of every colour were randomly strewn across the flawless cream carpet and large double bed of the room as a young man tried valiantly to get himself ready for the night to come. A large oak wardrobe had its doors flung wide open, welcoming the intrusive searcher into its hidden depths - and intrusive he was, a striking contrast to his usual methods, as he was carelessly throwing all that his hands touched behind him in a frantic manner, without a seconds thought.

The hectic probing and thoughtless chucking ceased not a few moments later as he finally withdrew with a pink tint across his cheeks whilst clutching the source of his troubles. Hurriedly, he tossed the item around his neck and continued his preparation with efficiency.

"Three months," Ianto muttered to himself, fixing Jack's favourite red tie underneath his pristine white collar. "Three bloody months, he was gone and all of a sudden, he pops back like everything's just perfectly fine."

Smoothing the tie down against his shirt, Ianto slowed his train of thought as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. His hand dropped limp to his side as he cocked his head slightly, frowning at himself - something seemed to be out of place.

Ianto's gaze flitted thoroughly over his body, trying to find the origin of his endeavours. He slowly dragged his eyes up over his face, over his flushed cheekbones, until he blinked.

There was something amiss with his eyes.

Hastily, he leaned into the mirror to gain a closer look. Peering into his own eye, he observed that they were dimmer than usual, like the light had been sucked out of them.

Ianto withdrew his breath sharply as he felt emotion rise in his chest, and he pulled himself upright once more.

The little bit of light that he used to feel caress him every single day before Jack had gone off gallivanting to only God-knows-where had faded away.

Gone.

Just like that.

Ianto gently touched the pale skin on his face, never breaking the connection between himself and his reflection as he prodded the area underneath his eyes woefully. No wonder it had caught his attention - his eyes were duller than they had ever been, even after Lisa had died. Jack had once commented on his eyes, how full of life they were. How he loved looking into them.

Now, there was nothing.

Ianto dropped his gaze to the floor and fiddled timidly with the bottom of his shirt, unable to look at his reflection any longer. With a spark of realisation, he noticed that he had not felt the warmth that used to reside comfortably in his heart since that lonely day in the office. It could not have been Jack's sudden disappearance alone, could it? He couldn't have been the only cause.

Cursing himself for following that thought, Ianto suddenly felt a stone of guilt drop into the pool of his stomach and his line of sight moved to stare longingly at the one photo he had of Jack and himself, sat on its own on top of his old chest of drawers.

He remembered the moment so well, the air vibrant and colourful around them. Nothing had ever felt better and Ianto had clutched tightly at Jack's strong hands as he was pulled close to Jack's chest - there was almost no room to breathe. His arms were snug against his waist before he smiled cheekily at the camera. It wasn't the big Harkness grin – it was the smile that he reserved only for people like him, for people he cared about; a loving smile. Ianto was laughing, despite his protests at having a picture taken, and he could see the life dancing in his eyes, as clear as day.

In that small moment, they were happy. They had been happy.

Now there was a hand scrabbling at his heart, wrenching it one way or another as he tried to figure out which road he must follow. Ianto closed his eyes tightly as he felt intense emotions rise from deep within him.

It was his fault. All of this, his fault!

Ianto turned and threw his fist angrily into the solid wood of his wardrobe in a fit of grief and regret, causing the stable wardrobe to tremble with the effort of keeping upright. Feeling the sudden rush of pain dart down the lengths of his twitching fingers, he dropped his head forward as he tried to calm himself and allowed the cool glass to sooth his heated skin. Blinking, he chanced a look at the blurred outline of his face in his mirror before falling into a spiral of unwanted thoughts.

"It's entirely my fault..." he whispered, watching his hot breath produce dotted clouds in front of his glassy eyes.

Even though Jack had left him, he had not stopped trying to find someone that made him feel as alive as Jack had.

He had tried to replace him with so many others. How many?

"What have I done?" Ianto murmured regretfully to his unsympathetic reflection.

As he thought about it, Ianto felt even worse, because none of them, not a single one, made him feel the same way as Jack did.

Ianto pressed his hand lightly against the pane of the glass mirror, watching as the hazy condensation grew from his fingers and palm. Absently, he noted that even though Jack had returned, the warmth and the little fluttering in his stomach had not.

Ianto almost felt like crying until he heard three resounding knocks against the old wooden door at the front of his apartment.

"Jack..." The name slipped past his lips before he could stop it, and he felt his heart race in anticipation and worry - which unsettled him slightly. Tentatively, he padded through to the small hallway and let his fingers gingerly grasp the catch. It was only then that Ianto noticed he was trembling.

"What's wrong with me?" he whispered to himself quietly, withdrawing his hand and leaning against the door for support. He looked down at himself, taking in the clean white shirt, the dashing red tie and the deep black trousers - all the usual. Running a hand through his ruffled hair, Ianto pushed back the wall of emotion threatening to breach his mental boundaries and as he did so, he came to a startling conclusion.

Surely it wasn't because they were going on a date?

Ianto's eyes widened at the word and his hand leapt up towards his mouth, fingertips brushing lightly across his parted lips, much like a soft feather.

"I'm going on a bloody date with-"

"Ianto? Are you in there?" Jack's voice sounded from the other side of the door, and Ianto clapped both hands to his mouth in embarrassment, a delicate red flush covering his cheeks. Breathing slowly and swallowing the lump in his throat, he urged himself to stand straight and face the door. There were so many reasons why he should not open that door. Yet, there were so many reasons why he should. Reaching a decision and pushing back the temptation to just leave the door locked and pretend he was not in, he flicked the catch on the lock and opened it swiftly before he could change his mind.

"Ah…"

Only to be left breathless.

The Captain was no longer dressed in his usual attire; the greatcoat had been ditched for a flattering black suit jacket, underneath which lay a baby blue shirt, crisp and fresh. The sharp tie stood out from the pastel colours, striking and bold, drawing Ianto's eyes immediately to it.

As his gaze wondered downwards, Ianto noted how flawless his suit was. It was as if it had been cut for him, hugging all the right places and leaving room for the imagination. Distantly, he felt the warmth spreading across his cheeks and swallowed deftly.

"Just that good, am I?" Jack queried, smirking at the blushing man stood in front of him. Ianto was jolted from his thoughts as he looked up at Jack, a slightly bemused look upon his face.

"You're wearing a…suit," Ianto murmured, meeting Jack's irresistible eyes.

"Well spotted. I am for now, anyway," Jack grinned, and Ianto felt like swooning - a fairly new feeling. Composing himself while attempting to push his fluttering thoughts to the back of his mind, Ianto coughed, running a slightly shaking hand through his hair once more before smiling gently.

"I would prefer you to wear something while we are in public," Ianto let his accent curl gently around his words, knowing the effect it would have on the Captain. True to his thoughts, Jack shifted his balance slightly as a familiar glint surfaced from the depths of the blue hues of his eyes. Ianto relaxed as he felt his nerves die down. "But later, well, I don't mind what you wear."

"If you want to make it out of the apartment, I suggest you stop that," Jack whispered huskily, gesturing towards Ianto slightly. Ianto beamed suddenly.

"Okay," he chirped as he disappeared back into his apartment, leaving a bewildered Jack standing at the door.

"You're cruel to me, Ianto Jones," he called as he walked slowly through to the living room, waiting for a reply. He took in the cream walls, the oak furniture and the lone couch all situated with precise co-ordination around the room. A vase of striking blood red flowers stood proudly from a towering glass vase upon the polished table top, planting a dash of colour into the otherwise peaceful environment.

"And don't I just know it!" Jack could hear the grin emanating from the Welshman's voice as it floated through from the bedroom, missing the slight wobble in his voice.

After a few more minutes of patient waiting, Jack let his fingertips caress the head of one of the flowers, which he now recognised as a rose. Who had bought him a rose?

"Nice flowers," Jack commented absently, wondering what Ianto was up to.

"Yeah, I know. Tosh bought them a few weeks back to cheer me up," Ianto replied distantly, shuffling around as he tried to get ready. "Sorry about this, I can't find my jacket."

Jack smirked.

"You won't find your jacket in there, Ianto."

A confused face popped around the frame of the door, and Jack suppressed the urge to grin like an idiot as he pointed to the lonesome jacket draped over the back of a solid wooden dining chair.

"Oh," Ianto strode over quickly, his hair now neater than a few moments ago, pulling the jacket from its resting place before donning it quickly. "So that's where you went."

Jack moved behind Ianto, running his hands down the curve of his back as the sleek material dropped into place. Jack felt delight swirl deep inside him as he felt Ianto arch into his touch and leaning forward, he let his lips lovingly nuzzle the skin of Ianto's neck, inhaling his alluring scent.

Breathing out in pleasure, Jack looped an arm around Ianto's waist, letting his fingers run a trail over his stomach.

"I missed you," Ianto whispered, leaning back into Jack and letting his hands caress the arm currently holding him tightly to Jack's chest, feeling his heart clench at the contact.

"I know. I realised that myself soon after I left," Jack murmured into Ianto's neck, his breath playing against the heated skin. "I'm sorry."

Ianto turned in Jack's arm, reaching his hands up to cup either side of his lover's face. Ignoring the nagging doubts in his mind, he met his eyes and Ianto leant in slowly to brush his lips deftly against the Captain's. Before Jack could deepen the kiss, Ianto had pulled away, a convincing smirk gracing his features.

"Are we ready, then?" Ianto reached for the keys as he turned towards the door, Jack slipping past him as he flicked the light switch. One last glance around the apartment, and then the door was closing. "So," Ianto asked, fumbling with the keys in the lock as they tinkled together, "where are we going tonight? You took the pleasure of organising the…" Ianto paused his ministrations as Jack raised an eyebrow in question.

"Date?"

Ianto coughed nervously before pulling the keys briskly from the lock. "Yes, date." Jack fell into a gentle walk beside Ianto as they made their way to the lifts.

"Well, like I said. Dinner, a movie, you know," Jack gestured briefly with his hands, throwing a glance at Ianto as they approached the cold metal doors. "I figured we could see what's on and then decide whether to eat now or later."

"Sounds good." Ianto replied with a hint of an edge, pushing the luminous button on the wall with perhaps a little too much force. Jack frowned.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jack asked quietly, a small brush of his hand over the dip in Ianto's slender suit.

_Ping. _

Ianto stepped quickly into the lift, spinning around as Jack swiftly joined him. Without hesitation, Ianto jabbed the button for the top floor and gave Jack the silent treatment.

"Uh, Ianto," Jack tried to grab the younger man's attention with a small prod to his side, "that was the button for the top floor."

"I know," Ianto shuffled uncomfortably and knotted his hands together. "You asked me if I was okay."

"Yes," Jack ran his gaze intensely over Ianto's unflinching features. "And are you?"

Ianto gave no reply.

Left with no clues whatsoever to his date's unexpected turn in behaviour, Jack was given no choice but to follow as Ianto calmly walked out of the lift and began his ascend up the nearby staircase. Jogging to catch up with him, Jack caught one of Ianto's hands with his own and tried in vain to stop him. Ianto started slightly as he felt the familiar warmth seep through his skin.

"Hey, what's the matter with you? Less that ten minutes ago, you were all over me," Jack whispered with a hint of a growl, pulling gingerly on Ianto's hand, his eyes pleading for an answer as they bore into the back of the younger man's head. Without turning around, Ianto muttered a reply.

"I'm not okay."

In a brief lapse of shock, Jack's grip slackened and Ianto tugged away before continuing towards his destination.

Reaching the fire exit, Ianto grasped the rusted bar across the sturdy old door and pushed it forwards, listening to the resounding creak of metal on metal as it echoed down the stairwell.

Ianto stepped out into the cool night air and sighed wistfully as he basked in the astounding atmosphere of the familiar nightlife. Gradually, he paced over to the edge of the rooftop and allowed the exciting sounds of the city to surround him. He relaxed, taking up his usual position.

"Ianto?" Jack remained in the doorway, unsure as to whether he should walk over.

Ianto glanced over his shoulder at the Captain's silhouette before resuming his previous stance - hands in his pockets, head held high as he witnessed Cardiff in all its night-time glory.

"I've spent so many nights up here," Ianto whispered as Jack slowly approached. "So many hours, wasted, watching this place." Ianto had a hint of regret laced throughout his voice as his eyes glossily reflected the amber lights below. Jack felt the compelled urge to hug the man in front of him, but refrained from doing so.

"Yeah?" he offered weakly instead as he stood beside Ianto.

"I think I've finally seen what you love about standing on rooftops, Jack," Ianto replied with a hint of humour, causing a small smile to flicker over Jack's lips. "It reminded me of you."

All traces of wit disappeared as Jack focused his concentration on Ianto's almost-bitter words.

"It was three months, Jack. Three whole months without knowing why you had run away so suddenly," Ianto's voice cracked as he struggled to speak without letting his emotions breach. "At first, everyone thought you had been taken from us." Jack shuffled guiltily, willing the lump in his throat to die down. "I went into your office, and saw the empty coat rack and the space under your desk where that hand used to be, and I just knew, Jack. I knew you'd left us willingly."

"I'm sorry, Ianto." Ianto flinched as he turned his head away to look at the cool concrete floor of the desolate rooftop.

"Does sorry change the fact that Gwen made me spend a whole week at home because I wasn't fit for duty?" A tear ran down his cheek as he began to shiver in the biting winds. "I fell into a state of shock and was unable to do anything properly. I couldn't even work the bloody coffee machine, and that's all I'm usually there for."

Jack gave into his desires as he reached for Ianto. The coffee boy bore no resilience as he was gathered into the Captain's embrace, arms holding him flush against his chest.

"I spent every night up here, drowning in my sorrows," Ianto murmured into Jack's crumpled blue shirt. "I wanted you to come back so much, but when you finally decided to drag yourself back here, it didn't feel real."

"I am so sorry," Jack whispered painfully once more as his eyes clenched shut, his hot breath ghosting through Ianto's hair. "I am so, so sorry."

Ianto scrunched his fists into the cotton of the shirt in front of him, pushing his face into the material, hiding from the world. "I tried with other people, trying to find the same thing," Ianto croaked out and he felt Jack tense all around him. "It never worked. Probably never will."

Ianto pulled back and Jack let his arms fall from his body, yet kept his hands on Ianto's hips. "I ruined it," Ianto muttered sorrowfully as he stared at the floor, shivering at the loss of heat that Jack had provided him with. When no answer came from his companion, Ianto felt the need to add to his statement. "The date, I've gone and messed it up."

Jack lifted a hand to Ianto's cheek, lifting his face so he could look him in the eye. "You haven't messed it up," he smiled.

"Yes I have, I've gone and swamped the evening with misery."

"No, you haven't. Look," Jack sighed, "if we hadn't had this talk, imagine how tense we would be now, down there somewhere," Jack glanced over the side of the roof as to emphasise his point. Ianto peeked over the side too, to avoid looking at the pitiful eyes of Captain Jack Harkness. "Anyway, I'm glad we had this talk. It's better to open up rather than let things like this brew - we can go on a date some other time."

Ianto flushed gently at the idea of another date, despite his near emotional outburst only a short while ago. "Let's hope it can top this one," he mumbles, coaxing a laugh from Jack.

"See? Better already." Jack moved closer to the younger man, running his hands over Ianto's lower back as he pulled them together. "It'll be okay, you know?"

"Yeah, I hope," Ianto closed his eyes as he pressed their foreheads together, lavishing in the pheromones of the Captain.

"It will be," Jack covered Ianto's lips with his own, caressing them gently as they swayed in the midst of the city. "It will be."

* * *

"_Will you go back to him?"_

"_I came back for you…"_

_...Thank you._


End file.
